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Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

Series: Factsheets for Families
Author(s): Child Welfare Information Gateway
Year Published: 2011

The landscape for LGBT adoption is changing, with an increasing number of
LGBT individuals and couples choosing to build families through adoption. Many
agencies, both public and private, welcome the LGBT community. Leading child
welfare organizations believe that prospective LGBT parents are an excellent
resource for children and youth in need of a permanent family.1 However, specific challenges continue to face many
LGBT prospective adoptive parents; they vary depending on where you live and
whether you adopt as a single person or a couple.

The adoption process can seem daunting for anyone, straight or gay, and it
can require a significant commitment of time, emotional energy, and financial
resources, depending on the path you take. To make the experience as positive as
possible, do your homework before getting started. Being informed is the first
step in the process. The following answers to frequently asked questions (FAQs)
can help you in this early stage of your journey in adoption.2

Q: How do I find a welcoming agency?

A: Finding an agency that is genuinely welcoming and affirming is the key to
a successful adoption experience. Begin by asking other LGBT adoptive parents
for feedback on the agencies they used and whether they would recommend a
particular agency. Conduct your own Internet research by reviewing agency
websites for images and language that speak to the LGBT community, for example,
photos of two-mom or two-dad families, or client nondiscrimination statements.
You can call an agency directly and ask about its policies or request an
in-person meeting with a staff person to learn more about the agency’s track
record with LGBT families and to get a sense of how open they are. If you live
in a jurisdiction that has laws restricting LGBT adoption, ask the agency how it
navigates those challenges. Be sure that the agency can verify that it has
placed children with LGBT families, and ask to speak to some of their LGBT

Other topics to explore with agencies are:

  • The number of LGBT families the agency has worked with, what percentage of
    all families that represents, and how long LGBT families wait to be matched with
    a child or children
  • How the agency, if the agency places infants, represents LGBT families to
    expectant parents considering adoption for their infants
  • How the agency’s intercountry program, if it has one, works with LGBT


Q: What States allow LGBT individuals or same-sex couples to foster or

A: Most States do not have laws or formal policies that address the
eligibility of LGBT individuals or couples to adopt or serve as foster parents.
Instead, child welfare professionals and judges make placement decisions that
should be in the best interests of the child. A few States have laws that
restrict adoption or fostering by gay people (for example, Mississippi). In
States where same-sex couples can marry legally they can also adopt. In many
other States, sexual orientation or same-sex relationship status does not
exclude couples from adopting.

Some States will allow singles to adopt but will not allow same-sex
or unmarried couples to adopt. If one member of a couple chooses to
adopt as a single parent because the State won’t allow second-parent adoption,
the parents may want to find a way to complete a second-parent adoption in order
to provide the child with legal protection.

Before you begin your adoption process, you should research the laws in your
jurisdiction. Seek consultation from your State equality organization or a
national LGBT organization if you are unclear. See Child Welfare Information
Gateway’s Who May
Adopt, Be Adopted, or Place a Child for Adoption?

Q: Should I disclose my sexual orientation or transgender status? If so,

A: This is perhaps the most daunting aspect of the adoption process,
particularly if you live in a State with restrictive laws or if you are not sure
of your agency’s policy. Full disclosure in adoption is optimal and advised,
whether it’s regarding sexual orientation, family history, or other aspects of
your personal life and background. LGBT adoptive parents often worry that
disclosure may disqualify them as adoptive parents or lead to greater scrutiny
as applicants. For single LGBT adults, it may seem irrelevant or unnecessary to
disclose this information. Because the decision to place a child with you is
made by someone else—a birth parent or agency professional—it is important and
most ethical that the decision be based on a full, honest picture of who will be
raising the child.

It is best to disclose early in the process, perhaps by calling an agency and
stating that you are a gay man, or a lesbian couple, or a transgender
woman—whatever the situation is—and gauging the response over the phone. If you
do not disclose right away, talk with your social worker during the home study
or family assessment about your sexual orientation and relationship status,
whether you are single or in a committed relationship. In States where joint
adoption is not allowed, you may need to identify one person to be the primary
applicant and one to be the “other member of household.” Ideally, the agency,
and the home study social worker in particular, should be aware of your sexual
orientation, gender identity, and relationship status to help you navigate the
particular challenges in the city, county, or State where you reside.

If there is a compelling reason why you are not able to disclose—for example,
you live in a State that bans gay adoption, or you are pursuing intercountry
adoption from a country that will not place with LGBT families—consult with an
LGBT family law attorney or LGBT advocacy organization before moving forward.
There are often ways to resolve these difficult scenarios.

There can be irreversible consequences if you do not disclose your sexual
orientation. For instance, withholding information or not being truthful could
exclude an applicant from the process no matter how good the reason. Also, it is
vital that you and your partner have the benefit of the best adoption
preparation possible. Without an honest relationship between you and your
agency, you could miss essential information or a preparation opportunity.
Effective preparation and postadoption support offer the most promising basis
for a successful placement for the child and the parents.

Q: What should I expect from the home study or family assessment?

A: All types of families may find the home study intrusive; however, this
assessment allows the agency or social worker to best match your family’s
strengths to the needs of a particular child or children. It’s good to keep that
thought in mind when preparing for your home study.

The home study can create added anxiety for LGBT individuals and couples,
particularly when there are concerns about the agency policies and questions
about disclosure. Again, by sharing early on that you are an LGBT individual or
couple, there is a greater likelihood that the home study social worker will be
better prepared to conduct your family assessment.

Many LGBT applicants wonder if they should “straighten up” the home before
the social worker visits by taking down certain photos or artwork or removing
some books from view. These thoughts are normal for all prospective parents,
straight or gay, in an effort to make the best possible impression on the social
worker and prepare the home environment for the arrival of a child.

The goal of the home study or family assessment is to learn about you as an
individual and as a couple, if applicable, to assess the strengths and
capacities you would bring to parenting a child or children needing a family,
and to help prepare you for the transition to parenthood. It is also the process
through which the social worker determines that the home is safe and secure for
a child. The home study process can feel invasive and overwhelming. It is
important to remember that it’s like that for all adoptive parents, regardless
of sexual orientation, and that the best approach is to be honest, open, and
authentic. If you feel at any point that your home study social worker is asking
inappropriate questions, is uncomfortable with you, or is being biased in the
assessment, contact a supervisor or agency administrator.

Q: What do I do if I think an agency is discriminating or being unfair?

A: As noted above, if you feel at any time that a particular agency staff
person is being unfair, disrespectful, or discriminatory, you should share your
concerns first with that person. There may be a simple misunderstanding that can
be corrected immediately. If you do not get a reasonable response, go to the
supervisor or agency administrator.

Keep in mind that while there is still discrimination, and the potential for
being treated unfairly definitely exists, what you might perceive as
discrimination or homophobia may be something else. For example, you may feel
that you are not getting calls returned because you are gay, or that as a
same-sex couple you are waiting longer for a placement than the heterosexual
couples in your support group. What may be true, however, is that the social
workers at the agency do not return anybody’s calls quickly because
there is a high workload for the staff and that the heterosexual couples are
waiting just as long as the same-sex couples. This would be a good opportunity
to join a support group or form one to interact with other couples who are
waiting, find out about their experiences, and prepare for the type of child or
children you hope to adopt.

It is important to speak up when you feel something is unfair, to report up
the chain of command, and to be open to the possibility that you may be wrong.
In cases of explicit discrimination, contact an LGBT advocacy

Q: How do I find support during the waiting process?

A: Many agencies have support groups for waiting families, so the first step
is to ask for a referral to those groups, ask if other LGBT families are
currently in the group, and find out if the facilitator is LGBT-competent and
friendly. In addition, there are many LGBT parent support groups across the
country, and you can find adoptive and preadoptive families to connect with. The
waiting period is a great opportunity to begin networking with other LGBT and
adoptive parents who can help you build a support network as you transition to
parenthood. If you are not able to find a group in your local community or
through your local agency, you can explore online discussion forums for waiting
families and for LGBT families in general. You may even consider starting a
group if one does not exist.

Q: What do experienced LGBT parents have to offer as advice?

A: Most LGBT parents say that they benefit from being part of a larger
community of LGBT parents and that it is important for their children to see
other families like theirs, especially as they get older. LGBT adoptive parents
often have networks that overlap, some of which are tied to the adoption
community and some to the LGBT community, but there is a lot of common ground.
Experienced parents recommend that you research the LGBT policies of your local
day care facilities or schools and identify pediatricians and other service
providers who are LGBT friendly. If one member of a couple has to adopt as a
single parent because your State won’t allow second-parent adoption, you may
want to find a way to do a second-parent adoption to provide your child with
legal protection. Finally, experienced parents recommend that you think about
how you will talk to your family, friends, neighbors, teachers, and others about
your family and how you will answer challenging questions that may arise.

Adoption professionals can find more information and resources in Child
Welfare Information Gateway’s Working With
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Families in

These FAQs were developed by Child Welfare Information Gateway, in
partnership with Ellen Kahn, Director of the Human Rights Campaign Family
Project. This document is made possible by the Children’s Bureau, Administration
on Children, Youth and Families, Administration for Children and Families, U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services.

The Changing World of Adoption

The Changing World of Adoption

By Sue Shellenbarger

This blog often explores family issues — and a growing number of families now
include adopted members. But as adoptions have become more accepted,  the
stories that grab headlines usually involve celebrity
parents like Madonna
, or train wrecks such as the adoptive
who returned her child to Russia last year.

A new book offers solid information that is often missing from the headlines
— including facts about the impact of the Internet on adoption, the decline
in international adoptions
and the rise in foster-care adoptions.

In an updated edition of “Adoption
,”  Adam Pertman, executive
director of the nonprofit Evan B. Donaldson Adoption
and an adoptive father himself, shows how patterns of adoption in
the U.S. have turned upside down. Once-hot international adoptions have slowed
amid rising nationalism, efforts to keep children with biological parents and
fears of corruption, he writes. After peaking at 22,884 adoptions in 2004, U.S.
adoptions of children from other countries fell 44% to 12,753 in 2009.
Meanwhile, adoptions of foster children rose 53% to 55,000 in 2008 from 36,000 a
decade earlier, amid policy changes and increased demand by parents. The
website, AdoptUsKids.org, is an
excellent resource on foster-care adoptions.

The Internet, of course, is having a vast impact. Even though 29 states have
laws that limit or regulate advertising adoption placements, cyberspace is
brimming with ads looking for pregnant women who might be willing to give up
their babies for adoption, Pertman writes. And while some adoption agencies are
ambivalent about posting information about children online, most see the
Internet as the most powerful tool they have ever had for connecting children
with wannabe parents.  (The book also explores the dark side of online
activities. Some websites offer prospective parents who sign up with an adoption
agency instructions on persuading ambivalent pregnant women to relinquish their
children, Pertman writes.)

The internet also is making it easier for adoptees to find birth parents. A
growing number of adoptive parents keep up regular contact with birth parents,
exchanging Christmas gifts and acting like relatives, writes Pertman, who also
describes his own efforts to keep his two adopted children in touch with their
birth parents. The potential benefits are significant, he writes — diminishing
angst among birth parents, easing personal insecurities for adoptive parents,
and providing both parents and adoptees with information needed for good
parenting and medical care.

More resources on adoption
can be found at the website of
the National Council for Adoption, an advocacy group. (We have also posted
before here and here
on juggling adoption and a job.)

Readers, have you or anyone you know tried to complete an adoption? What has
that experience been like? Have you noticed increased difficulties or any
changes in adoption? Do you know of any valuable resources on adoption issues?

Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adoption

RAD is a common yet under diagnosed entity in internationally adopted children.

By: Nicholas Rogu M.D.

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is the result of several interruptions that occur during the formative period of a child’s development. Their ability to “attach”, trust others and relate to primary caregivers is negatively affected.

A child’s ability to bond with or “attach to” others is greatly determined by what happens between the infant and caregiver during the first few months, when the brain is rapidly

Relating to an inconsistent caretaker or having the lack of a nurturing and loving relationship can physically change the “wiring” of the brain and lead to difficulty regulating emotions and behavior. This may result in poor impulse control, a sense of separation and mistrust. There may be expressions of anger or controlling and attention-seeking hyperactive behavior. These can be confused with other conduct disorders such as ADHD and OCD, which may sometimes coexist, making management more difficult. These children can have difficulty accepting comfort and may be either overly affectionate or unable to express affection. One of the most difficult situations for parents to deal with is the disbelief of others outside the family who are exposed only to the child’s endearing qualities which seem to contradict the behaviors encountered
in the home.

Attachment begins when a parent responds to their child’s needs and wants. Over a period of time, the child comes to trust them. They learn to believe that their parents will be their guardians and providers. Later, when they leave their parents temporarily to stay with a babysitter or to go off to school, they carry the idea of their protective parents with them. They make use of this when necessary, during periods of insecurity, frustration or anxiety. This strong foundation empowers young children to face the many
challenges throughout their lives. Because a child’s initial relationship is with his/her parents, it lays the framework for many of the relationships that will follow. Children with a secure attachment background tend to approach others in a positive manner. Since they feel valued by their own parents, they assume that others should be valued as well.

The notion of attachment reminds us of the child who does not want to be left at day care, throws a tantrum or cries when a parent exits the room. This form of attachment is quite normal and expected at certain times. There are some instances, however, when
attachment problems are quite severe and are truly a diagnosable disorder. According to the official diagnostic handbook of the American Psychiatric Association, the diagnosis refers to young children who have severely disturbed relationships with others resulting from the poor parenting they have received.

Children with RAD may avoid forming personal relationships. These are known as the inhibited or unattached type. On the other hand, they may seem overly friendly to everyone, not distinguishing between parents and strangers. These are known as the uninhibited or indiscriminate type. In both cases, there is no real sense of trust. The children treat other people either as threats to be avoided or as targets to be manipulated. Not all children who are adopted internationally, the so called post-institutionalized children, are destined to have RAD. But the more emotionally and physically deprived they were, and the longer they remained in that environment, the greater their risk becomes.

Many people face this situation every year. Children available for domestic or foreign adoption may have faced difficulties early in life that make it very hard for them to attach to a new family. These difficulties may take the form of physical or sexual abuse, neglect or multiple placements. When this occurs to children within the first few years of life, they can develop the lack of trust that characterizes RAD. A child with this disorder may not be able to open themselves up to love regardless of how loving the adoptive family is. They have learned from the previous caregivers that it is not safe to love. This
has become their defense mechanism, a mode of survival, a way of coping with
their environment and the people in it.

A prospective adoptive parent should find out everything possible about the infant’s background as well as that of the biological parents. Inherited temperament or mental health conditions can also affect the child’s ability to recover from early influences.
Insist that social and psychological evaluations be provided and translated, if necessary. Many families are not receive this information until after the
adoption is almost finalized. In international adoptions, families have a more
difficult task obtaining this information from the agencies. Potential adoptive
parents deserve this information before they make the decision to adopt a
particular child.

When considering adopting a child, either domestically or internationally, there are many important decisions that need to be made every step of the way. One way to become empowered is through gaining knowledge and learning from the experiences of others in similar situations. Contact support groups for adoptive parents for assistance and guidance. If your child shows signs of an attachment problem, talk to your child’s doctor or see a counselor who specializes in child specific therapy. Although RAD can be extremely difficult to treat, the situation is not hopeless. With guidance from
experts in the field of RAD and other conduct disorders, as well as a great deal
of determination on the part of you and your child, the situation can be improved.

By Dr. Nicholas Rogu of www.adoptiondoctor.com
: http://www.adoptiondoctors.com/articles


Lactose intollerance in Asian Children

Lactose intollerance in Asian Children PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator
Sunday, 20 September 2009 12:56
By: George Rogu M.D. Lactose intolerance is defined as the body’s inability to digest and absorb the milk sugar called lactose. This occurs secondary to a deficiency in a necessary enzyme essential in the digestion process of milk products. This enzyme is named lactase. In many children who are internationally adopted this medical entity is incorrectly blamed for many intestinal symptoms these children experience. Lactose intolerance is more prevalent among adult Asian, African, Native American and Mediterranean populations. Although many internationally adopted children come from the above-mentioned ethnic groups, this condition is relatively rare in infants and very young children. It does occur however under pathological conditions such as when a child has some sort of intestinal infection. In infants and very young children, the enzyme lactase remains active during the first few years in order to enable these children to absorb and digest breast milk or formula.

Clinical signs and symptoms Abdominal pain and cramps Abdominal distention Nausea and vomiting Diarrhea and flatulence Lactose intolerance sometimes may occur as a temporary condition if it is secondary to an intestinal infection. Secondary lactose intolerance usually occurs because there is some damage to the mucus lining of the intestinal tract. Reasons for this could be secondary to an intestinal infection with parasites, viruses or bacteria. Internationally adopted children, especially those of Asian descent, should have lactose intolerance high on the differential diagnosis radar, but other medical conditions need to be ruled out. Such medical causes are as follows: Parasitic intestinal infections with Giardia or cryptosporidium Viral gastroenteritis, with the routine stomach virus caused by Rotavirus Bacterial enteritis: salmonella and shigellosis Severe protein malnutrition Celiac disease Cystic fibrosis Toddler’s diarrhea secondary to excessive juice intake A very good dietary history needs to be obtained and appropriate medical examination and laboratory tests need to be ordered before a diagnosis is made or excluded. General clinical suspicion of lactose intolerance can be confirmed by a favorable response to withdrawal of lactose from the diet. There is also more sophisticated laboratory testing such as hydrogen breath test that can help in confirming the diagnosis. Intestinal biopsies and lactose tolerance tests are rarely indicated in the Pediatric population. Overall management of lactose intolerance is very simple: avoid milk products. Exclusion of milk from the diet should also be done even if the condition is a temporary one such a secondary to intestinal infections with Giardia. If the child is an infant, than Lacto-free formula should be prescribed. Older children may self-treat themselves by selectively eating foods that they can tolerate. All newly arrived children who complain of intestinal symptoms should have a work-up for intestinal, viral, and bacterial organisms before the diagnosis of lactose intolerance can be used to explain their symptoms. This is especially important if the child comes from an ethnic background where lactose intolerance in more prevalent in the adult population. by George Rogu M.D. Disclaimer The information and advice provided is intended to be general information, NOT as advice on how to deal with a particular child’s situation and or problem. If your child has a specific problem you need to ask your pediatrician about it – only after a careful history and physical exam can a medical diagnosis and/or treatment plan be made. This Web site does not constitute a physician-patient relationship. Article Source: http://www.adoptiondoctors.com/articles Adoptiondoctors.com is an innovative International Adoption Private Practice dedicated to helping parents and adoption agencies with the complex pre-adoption medical issues of internationally adopted children. We are the GO TO place for your Adoption related medical questions. All medical interactions are performed via, e-mail, express mail, telephone and fax. There is no need to make a live appointment or travel outside of you hometown. Blind referral and support services now available during your trip. Never feel like you are abandoned while you are overseas. Adoptiondoctors.com is just a computer click away. Post-Adoption general care can be performed by our International Adoption Medicine Physicians, Dr. George Rogu or Dr. James Reilly in their Adoption friendly, Private Medical Clinic in Commack, New York. For more info: visit Adoptiondoctors.com or call them at 631-499-4114.

Last Updated on Friday, 02 October 2009 12:19

Health Status of Adopted Chinese Orphans Arrival in the US

Health Status of Adopted Chinese Orphans on Arrival in the US PDF Print E-mail
Written by Administrator
Sunday, 22 November 2009 21:27

From the International Adoption Clinics at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MN and Tufts New England Medical Center, Boston, MA and the office of Dr. Michael Traister, New York, NY.

Over a 36 month period, information was collected via direct examination (49%) or through a mail-in questionnaire (51%) from 154 Chinese children.  Most (98%) were girls.  Children arrived in at an average age of 10 months and had been living in orphanages for an average of 9 months.

Infectious Diseases

Infectious diseases commonly encountered in international adoptees were rare.  Of those children tested, hepatitis B and intestinal parasites were encountered in less than 5% of adoptees.  Syphilis and tuberculosis were diagnosed in less than 2%.  No child was positive for the AIDS virus.  An unexplained cluster of hepatitis C infected infants in Yangzhou was confirmed.

Lead Levels

Blood lead levels were normal in 90% of children tested (n=31) and only mildly elevated in the remainder.


Assessment of 19 infants in six areas revealed abnormalities in one or more areas of development in two-thirds of children.  Strength and gross motor skills were affected most commonly while tone was rarely abnormal.  Delays usually improved rapidly after arrival.


Stature was affected with children falling behind one month of linear growth for each 3.4 months in the orphanage.  Rickets, a diagnosis made frequently in China was not clinically obvious in any child, but biochemical markers indicating early rickets were more likely to be found as children grew older.


Chinese adoptees have few major medical problems on arrival principally due to their young age and limited exposure to orphanage life. Older Chinese orphans show more sequlae of orphanage life.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 23 March 2010 06:59

A Report on the Medical Condition of Children Arrived from China

A Report on the Medical Condition of Children Arrived from China PDF Print E-mail
Written by Michael Traister, M.D.
Saturday, 26 December 2009 14:53
Medically caring for children adopted from countries outside of the United States may pose some unique problems for the pediatrician.  Family history, birrth history, early growth and development records are either non-existent or unreliable.  Medical problems that be common to that country may not exist here or be relatively uncommon in the community or experience of the pediatrician.

In my practice (390 West End Avenue, New York City), I have had the opportunity to examine upon their arrival and then to follow 10 infants adopted from the People’s Republic of China in the last two years.  I am pleased to report that these children as a group are all seemingly remarkably healthy.  They have not suffered the ill-effects of severe psycho-social deprivation and chronic medical diseases seen in some institutionalized orphan populations, for example, from Eastern Europe.  Although some of the older infants arrived with slight delays in development, all of them progressed rapidly and most of the recent arrivals have already caught up to other infants their age.

Most medical problems seen are common problems, seen in many children born and brought up in New York City.  For example, none of the infants that I have examined are chronic carriers of  Hepatitis B which might have been transmitted from birth mother to infants attthe time of delivery.  Of the infants tested to date, none have tested positive for exposure to Tuberculosis.  Some had had the BCG vaccination, a vaccine against TB used in many parts of the world including China, and  have not yet been tested for TB because the vaccine could produce false positive results.   I have not requested stool examinations for parasites on the infants; parasites are usually not acquired until after 6 to 12 months of age and most of the infants adopted are less than 12 months old at the time of adoption.

I recently spoke with Dr. Dana Johnson, of the University of Minnesota’s International Adoption Clinic.  He has been conducting a research study to evaluate children adopted from Eastern Europe and the People’s Republic of China, paying particular attention to the types of diseases that exist in that part of the world.    At the time of our discussion, Dr. Johnson had included about 20 infants adopted from China is his study and reports results similar to mine:  The infants adopted from China so far seem healthy, without the problems of severe psycho-social deprivation, tuberculosis, hepatitis B, parasites, etc. which have been seen in some of the chidren adopted internationally, especially from Romania.  With the permission of our parents I plan to forward our data to Dr. Johnson to be included in their study.

To find out more information about the Univeristy of Minnesota’s International Adoption Clinic or to participate in their study, please contact Ms. Sandy Iverson at 612-626-6777.

In conclusion, having the opportunity to see the children so soon after their arrival from China, meeting their parents, and watching them grow and flourish has been a real pleasure and a rich experience for me as a physician.     -MT

Sweet Moon Baby: An Adoption Tale by Karen Henry Clark

When One Thing Leads to Another: From Adoption to Publication PDF Print E-mail
Written by Karen Henry Clark
Monday, 11 July 2011 19:51
By Karen Henry Clark, author of Sweet Moon Baby: An Adoption TaleWhen the nanny handed our daughter to us on a summer day in China, I remained calm.  The journey was finally finished.  Little did I know it was just beginning.
I smiled brightly until my husband handed me the orphanage report and my eyes froze on these words: “Baby found forsaking on steps of leather factory.”  Tears rolled down my face as I realized this tiny girl in his lap would always live with a mystery.  While I’d known this, I’d never felt its truth.  She would carry unreachable memories locked forever in her mind, her bones, her heart.  So I began to dream of a history for her—something beyond the confines of that basket balanced on a step.  She was eleven months old and…spoke Chinese baby talk, slowly moving into recognizable English sounds.  However, she refused to repeat the words we recited to her.  She turned her face away stubbornly.  Then one night in our yard a cloud drifted away from a full moon hung in a navy blue sky.  Leaning out of my arms, she pointed up and said, “Moon!” with a sense of certainty and joy that made me believe they had been dear friends from the very first day of her life.  What else could have made such an impression on her?  What inspired her toddler games of make-believe?  Clearly she loved the stories about a young turtle named Franklin.  She told everyone about the peacocks she’d once seen on a farm.  She played faithfully with a sock monkey stitched with love by her grandmother.  Each night of her life she slept with a stuffed panda in her arms.  And like an Asian Huckleberry Finn, she happily carried a miniature pole over her shoulder with a plastic fish affixed.  Who’s to say a turtle, peacock, monkey, panda, and fish weren’t part of her early life?  That basket on a step in China became the basket that carried a baby down a river from claw to paw to wing.  These became the snippets of tales I told her, trying to fill those first days of her life.  I wrote it down.  Once upon a time, I had imagined myself as a published author, but decades of rejection had eroded my resolve.  Until now.  I had to show her the importance of trying one more time.  This one was the charm.  My first picture book was published by Alfred A. Knopf in 2010.  What began as an answer for her ended up being an answer for me.  After I read the book at a school, I received my most stunning review of all when an adopted Chinese kindergarten girl whispered to my husband, “I’m the real Sweet Moon Baby.”  I understood it held powerful imaginary answers for children other than mine who are on this remarkable adoption journey together.

ADHD Parenting Skills

Parenting Skills for Children with ADHD:
1. Patience, Patience and More Patience:

The first and the most important key to raising a child with adhd is to be patient. Be at his/her level. He is not a typical child and will required greater amounts of focus and attention on your part. Please don’t forget this important fact.

He lacks certain abilities that you may expect in others. You are aware of this fact and will need to giving him love, care and attention. Without this approach, things will quickly go downhill.

Still if you scold him, taunt him, confront or spank him, the symptoms of ADHD usually become more profound rather than improving. At this point parents dealing with adhd become part of the problem, not the solution.

2. Become an Encourager of Your Child:

Don’t be someone who can drain the life out of your child. Be a friend to him. Make him feel comfortable; make him feel that the world is secure all around him.

Be open to him, be responsive. Let him tell you all his concerns and worries; let him share his so called secrets.

3. Stay in Touch with Him As Much As Possible:

Be with him. Give him your maximum attention. It’s usually the mother whom the child wants to see as the first thing in morning.

Wake him up yourself, greet him and speak to him respectfully. If going to school, help him prepare and try to drop him off at school and pick him up yourself. Make his lunch for him.

For children who are struggling in school, you may want to consider ADHD homeschooling. Many families have been able to overcome the problems associated with ADHD through homeschooling.

Give him time in afterschool hours. Read him a bedtime story at night. Give him your maximum time.

These things may sound like you are overdoing it, but these are the very things the help lower the childs anxiety level and build a bond between the parent and child. The rewards will be hugh as your child gets older, which will happen much sooner than you expect.

4. Give him a bedroom close to yours:

Younger children with ADHD usually have disturbed sleep or insomnia. They are often prone to have nightmares. You have to check in on him from time to time and provide comfort when needed.

5. Play, Eat and Study with Him:

An ADHD child desires to see his mother or father around him frequently. Make sure you give enough time and attention, while he is having his meal, doing his homework and involved in his activities.

Even when watching cartoons or any TV programs, accompany him so that you can help point out the good and educational progrms.

ADHD Diet + Parenting Skills = Results

A proper diet is also critical for children with ADHD. In addition to this, one of the most effective ways to reduce the out of control behavior that is often associated with with this disorder is by developing new parenting skills.

These children are often masters at manipulation and other forms of controlling behavior. Many parents have found that using new methods of building healthy relationships without relenquishing control of the home to the child can quickly bring about a turnaround in a child’s behavior.

This type of firm and loving parenting was often not modeled for us, so a program that teaches these skills is helpful. We at ADHD Child Parenting.com have found that the Total Transformation program teaches some of the most effective parenting skills available.

Many who have used this program have seen extemely quick changes in their child’s behavior. I encourage you to visit the Total Transformation Website to learn more about how your family can benefit from this program.

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